thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
