How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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