Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
