Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
