I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
