I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
