Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
