I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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