Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
