I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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