Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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