So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
