You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i think i just lost a toe
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
