i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
