I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
