My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
