I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
