a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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