Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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