You're completely useless in the revolution.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
