My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
