I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
