my vag is so smooth its legendary
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There r osticjed everywhere
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
