Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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