o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
