Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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