And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
