I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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