When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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