she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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