let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
