I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
