I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
