youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
