therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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