just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
