I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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