she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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