Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
