Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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