I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
