Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
