Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
