Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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