i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
