So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
