pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
