Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
