you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm really into asian looking animals
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
