i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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